Are similar interests important in a relationship?
Are friends and time alone important in a relationship?
Usually, I don't write about marriage or long term relationships, but one of my readers asked me how I remain happy in my 42 year marriage and why has it lasted so long. Having previously in life been a marriage counselor, I had a few pieces of advice that seem to be important when picking a relationship and continuing to be in one:
1. Have a friendship with each other. Laugh a lot, and have lots of patience.
2. Never tolerate physical violence, emotional violence, verbal abuse ("you're weak","you're stupid", etc.). You should never have to walk on eggshells or be afraid to anger your partner.
3. Maintain good friendships outside of your partner. Friendships with those with whom you have common interests that are different from those of your partner. I have no desire to garden and I'm not particularly into cooking, but my husband and one of my sisters are, so they chat about growing herbs and cooking. On the other hand, I have a set of female friends with whom I enjoy doing things. Plus it's healthy to spend time apart! Yes, there are times you may feel just like roommates, and the marriage can occasionally feel monotonous, or even overwhelming if you have kids. When you become involved with someone you also are involved with their family, and will be part of their family and remain so as long as your in the relationship, no matter the quality of the relationship. I have sisters and my husband has a brother so we both understand siblings, which is nice.
4. Understand what your partner’s occupation is. Having been raised in a medical family and having been a medical social worker during my career, I feel I understand my husband's job. If you have no interest in your spouse's career or they don't relate to yours, that can be a problem. Sometimes, with too much togetherness, or after some years, people find they long for someone who is a better "fit" for them.
Gil and I just finished working on a book together and our writing habit "fits". We really have fun doing book signings, interviews, and promotional events. We are lucky we have similar interests as it keeps our marriage alive. For us, raising our kids was a joyful part of our life for years, and seeing our kids and their families now that they are grown is so very fun!
Find a kind person, have similar interests, try to work on projects together, have a few of your own friends, and they their own friends and interests, and take care of yourself. I plan on being with my husband for more years as we are a good fit.
I could go on and on about relationships, but I like to write about writing these days.......
Since I am an author, I encouraged my husband to start writing books. Who knows, maybe that is something you can do together - go to writing classes, join writing groups, and write stories or books...it is fun!